Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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