Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
