Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
