Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
