My pussy is not your playground.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
