that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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