i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
