apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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