What a fucking waste of an outfit
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize