I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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