I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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