you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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