i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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