I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize