When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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