hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
