I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
