You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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