grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize