Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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