i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
