He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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