God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize