the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
