If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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