U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
