What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
