When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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