I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
How's work?
Spinning.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
