If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
