I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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