the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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