Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize