just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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