If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
