last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
