he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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