Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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