he wants to bone in the snuggie
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
