Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
