there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
