its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize