She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
