She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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