He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
