You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
