proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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