forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Randomize
