her facebook's as public as her vagina
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
