Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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