You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
