Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My vagina is very pro this idea
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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