btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
