I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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