Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
