He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
