He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
