So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
