Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
