Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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