Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
