You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
