yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
