I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
