I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
