Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Randomize
