I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
