I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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