how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
