Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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