My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
How does one acquire holy water?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize